Ouran High and the American Otaku
by Shashuko the Paisley Maiden
Summary: A transfer student from America comes to Ouran. Will she turn the Host Club inside out or will she simply convert them all to Mormonism? HaruhixEverymalecharacterintheserieswholikesher, onesided NekozawaOC. Rated M for mormonwritten.
1. The Exchange Student Cometh

_**Location: Ouran High School, Class 1-A**_

"What an exchange student?" gasps the entire class at once. Only Haruhi, and the chairman, seem to not be shocked.

"One you might call a commoner," says Haruhi. "From America."

"Haruhi-kun! How'd you _know_?"

"She's staying at my house."

"But... Haruhi-kun, you're a boy!"

"And she's sleeping in her own room," Haruhi says, exasperated.

"But what if she--?"

"She's also Mormon," Hikaru and Kaoru say, stealing the chairman's papers and shuffling through them. "That won't be a problem."

"But why couldn't she stay with one of the girls?" asked Kuragano-san worriedly.

"Because the exchange student is a commoner-" says Hikaru,

"-- She wouldn't be comfortable in one of our houses" Kaoru finishes.

The girls all seemed to accept this and started chatting, wondering what this person was like.

high power motor

"Oh ho ho ho ho!"

The Moving Platform of Doom rising, bringing one Hoshakugi Renge up with it. She's wearing her school uniform, because cosplay is for club hours only, but on her head are two suspiciously Sailor-Moon-Esque buns.

"The exchange student is from America!" says Renge dramatically. "So, she will be full of razor-sharp comebacks, understand? She will also be very rude in a cool way, like Billy from _Alice Nineteenth_!"

"Umm, Renge? The student is Mormon. She's not going to go around flipping people off like Billy," says the Superintendent, shuffling through the papers.

"Hmm... in that case, expect someone like Osaka from Azumanga Daioh!"

Haruhi sweatdrops. "I don't know who that is, but she's probably not like him or her either..."

"Chairman! What is the name of the Foreign Exchange student?" Kuragano-san asks politely.

The Chairman blushes. "Archer Shashuko."

"So... Archer-san? Wonder what her parents were thinking," says one girl.

"No, Archer is her last name," the Chairman explains.

"Then why'd you put it first? Americans put it the other way around!" retorts another girl.

"Yes, but _WE_ don't," Haruhi says. "We're Japanese."

The bell rings.

"Class dismissed," says the teacher.

**Location: Ouran High School, Music Room 3**

"Haruhi? Is it true?"

"Is what true, Tamaki-sempai?"

"Did you take a foreign exchange student without Daddy's permission? Oh, Haruhi, you're such a rebellious daughter!"

"It's true. Archer Shashuko-san."

"A GIRL? Won't that give you away?"

"Tamaki, they didn't seem to care in Homeroom. I don't think anyone else would care," Haruhi says, clearly annoyed.

"What will she do while you're in host Club?" Hunny asks. "Since the whole school knows she's a girl, she can't really be a host..."

"And since she's a commoner, she won't be able to afford to sit with any of us," Kyouya notes.

"I know!" says Tamaki. "We'll have her work as a hostess! ... And... Haruhi, too!"

"No," says Haruhi. "It took too long to figure out being a host."

"Besides, who'd sit with Haruhi?" the twins ask tamaki, wearing identically evil smiles.

"I would!" Tamaki points out.

"Because only perverts go to hostess bars," the twins taunt.

"Pervert..." says Haruhi. glaring at Tamaki.

"When's she coming?" Hunny questions curiously.

"Tomorrow."

Tamaki falls over.

**Location: America, Archer Family Residence**

"Shashuko! Are you all packed?" yells a blonde woman in her late forties.

"Hai, Okaasama! I've got everything I'll need!" the answerer is a blonde _girl _of the Freshman age.

"Did you pack your toothbrush?"

"Dangit!"


	2. Amerikajin

**Location: Tokyo Airport**

Haruhi and Ryouji (aka Ranka) Fujioka stood in the airport, looking from a photo of the exchange student to the faces in the crowd. Where was she?

Then, a blonde girl wearing a yellow sweater and jeans came into view, running with a huge red roller suitcase, a stuffed teal back back, and a pink camouflage duffle came running. On her head was a clearly well-loved red muffin hat.

"Fujioka Ranka-san? Fujioka Haruhi-san?" she asked when she got closer. "Sorry I took so long! I have this thing with getting my own bags... ha ha. Sorry."

"Ah, you must be Shashuko," said Ranka looking at the photo. "Yes, I'm Ranka-san, and this is my daughter Haruhi. Before you ask! I am male."

"If you watch as much anime as me, you'd know I believe it." Shashuko looked from the father dressed as a girl to the daughter dressed as a boy, shrugged, and bowed.

"Well, Ranka-san, Haruhi-san, I am very pleased to meet you," she said smiling. "I hope we'll become good friends."

"And don't even think my daughter is a girl!" Ranka said. "Just because she got her cut, people think--"

"Hee hee. So by coincidence, Haruhi-san, people think you are a boy?"

"Yes," said Haruhi simply.

"I try to get her to dress in girly clothes, but she gets dressed so early in the morning! And she has to wear a boy's uniform to school because of that Host Club."

"Host Club? What's a Host Club?"

"Let me explain," Haruhi sighs. "There are these guys you pay to sit with. One of them will constantly flirt with you and be in your face. Two of them act gay. One of them is extremely short and cute, even though he's a senior. To sit with him, you also sit with someone who very tall and very quiet. There is also a Shadow Lord of a boy with glasses and black hair-"

"Oh! She means Kyouya-kun!" Ranka says triumphantly.

"Who manipulates the entire club from the shadows. People don't usually sit with him, but he always has the Host Club merchandise info."

"How do you fit in, Haruhi-san?"

"Well, I broke a vase. They mistook me for a boy and realized I was girl after they gave me a uniform-"

"Didn't your scholarship cover the uniform?"

"Yes, but we payed two month's rent with it."

"I see. Go on, please."

"The mistook me for a boy and realized I was a girl after I was already hosting and had been given a boy's uniform by them."

"Oh! So what to you do with your customers?" Shashuko asked suspiciously.

"I just be myself and answer their questions. They always have a lot of them. I think the others have called me a natural more than once."

"So people sit with all of them? Even the in-your-face one?"

"_Especially_ the in-your-face one."

"Why? He sounds awfully bold."

"I some people like that."

"Brrr! Not my type. Overconfident boys have no confidence, so they act like they have loads."

"That's an interesting theory," says Haruhi.

"Thanks. I heard it from my Sunday School teacher."

**Location: Fujioka Residence**

"Here we are!" said Ranka-san happily. "This is our apartment! We're number 144."

"I'd better write that down," Shashuko notes. "I have a very subjective memory."

"Oh?" Haruhi asks.

"For instance, I can remember the names of almost all the anime characters I come across, but I can't remember the names of real people very well! I get blondes and brunette's names mixed up just because their heights and faces are the tiniest bit similar!"

"There's a pair of twins in our class," says Haruhi.

"Crap! I know for a _fact_ I will never get their names right!"

**(The Next Morning)**

"We're taking the shinkansen (bullet train) to school?" Shashuko's eyes glimmer with excitement. "I've always wanted to ride the it..."

Haruhi sweatdrops. "Always?"

"Okay, not always, but for a really long time. I know, a stupid goal, right? It's just that my Japanese teacher back home said they were really cool. Do they really come in exactly on time?"

"They do."

"Sugoi..." Shashuko whispers.

"What other such goals do you have?"

"Anno... I want to learn how to make a bento box lunch... thanks for packing mine, by the way. I don't know how to make a lunch without peanut butter..."

"Don't mention it."

"No, really! Since the school is full of rich kids, I'm afraid of how much a school lunch will cost!"

"My thinking exactly. I always pack a lunch and eat in the classroom."

Shashuko started twirling around in her uniform.

"Um... Shashuko-san?"

"Hai?"

"Why are you spinning?"

"I have twirly skirt disease. I love the uniforms, don't you?"

"Really? Some of the girls at school complain about the color or the puffy sleeves."

"I guess the puffy sleeves aren't that desirable, but I like yellow is my favorite color."

"Is it? Here's the train station."

The authoress would love to describe a shinkansen or 'bullet train' station, because that would mean she'd been to Japan at some point. But she hasn't, so we'll just say it impressed Shashuko.

"Here's our train."

The two uniform-wearing girls step onto the shinkansen, Haruhi sitting down, and Shashuko standing up and holding onto the rail.

When the train starts, Shashuko is nearly knocked down by its sheer speed. She decides to sit down.

"Why didn't you sit down in the first place?" Haruhi asks.

"Well... are you familiar with a car game known as 'Jello'?"

" 'Jello?' ... No."

"Well, you sit upright and when the car turns, you flop to the side."

"Huh?"

"You subject yourself to sitting loosely upright and let inertia take over."

"Oh, I get it. And you were trying to play this game on the shinkansen?"

"Well, it works on the New York subway! How was I supposed to know it was this fast?"

The bullet train screeches to a stop, sending Shashuko flying forward. As the doors open, she sits up slowly, sporting a large bump on her head.

"Haruhi! Is this the exchange student?"

Two red-haired twins were standing in the doorway.

"Yes, this is Shashuko-san," says Haruhi, stepping off the train as Shashuko stumbled after her, rubbed her injured cranium. She opens her eyes.

"Anno... hey! You two! Is that Weasley cosplay?" she brightly asks the twins.

"No. We've always looked like this."

"But your hair is _bright red!"_

"That's our natural color!" they say, glaring.

Shashuko just giggles. "I'm sorry. My brain thinks very randomly and sometimes comes to conclusions fast. I won't do it again."

"But, they are troublemakers," Haruhi says flatly. "Shashuko-san, this is Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin from our class, as well as the Host Club. Hikaru and Kaoru, this is Shashuko Archer-san."

"From the Host Club? Which two are they? Wait, I'll guess! Hmm, they're obviously not the tall one or the short one, so they must be either the gay ones or the In-Your-Face guy and the Shadow Lord!"

"We're they gay ones!" say the twins cheerfully.

Shashuko stares at them. "Isn't that incest?"

"Yes, it is! The girls at the Host Club find our forbidden romance most intriguing!"

"And I thought _I_ was over-dramatic. Incest from twins, huh? Sounds like the sort of thing the Fred and George slash fans would go for..."

"Stop comparing us to the Weasleys!"

"Hikaru, Kaoru, why are you here anyway?"

"We wanted to meet the American girl. Plus, we should walk to school together anyway. We're in the same class, aren't we?" the twins pull Haruhi into a three-way hug.

"Is Tamaki watching? Because last time they pulled that stunt, you were doing it to get a reaction out of him."

"Who's Tamaki?" Shashuko questions.

"He's the In-Your-Face one," replies Haruhi.

"Why would the twins hugging you get a rise out of him?" Shashuko eyes gleam evilly.

"Tamaki-sempai is just weird. He has this 'family setting' thing going on. He refers to himself as 'Daddy,' me as his 'Daughter,' Kyouya-sempai, the Shadow Lord, as 'Mom,' and the twins as my brothers."

"What about the tall one and the short one?"

"Hani-sempai and Mori-sempai aren't included for some reason."

"That's stupid. If you're gonna do some weird comparison, you might as well include others. I bet they feel left out."

"Well put! We'll have to tell him that," note Hikaru and Kaoru.

"What are you two thinking?" Haruhi sounds suspicious.

"Oh! Look! Here we are!" Hikaru points at the one-block-away Ouran High campus.

"This is it," adds Kaoru.

"HUGE!!!" Shashuko yells suddenly. And loudly. Haruhi stares for more than a few seconds.

_**Ouran High School: Class 1-A**_

Haruhi opens the door to the classroom, followed by Hikaru and Kaoru.

"Shashuko-san, come on."

"I haven't been to a new school since kindergarten." Shashuko sounds extremely scared. "I doubt people will be as accepting."

"These people aren't _that _distant." Haruhi says.

"Just us," say the twins.

"Anno... okay. Gimme a sec."

Shashuko takes a deep breath in through her nose, out through her mouth. "Hooo-kay, I'm ready. Look out world, 'cause here comes Shashuko!"

Shashuko briskly walks into the classroom. Everyone stares.

"Anno... my name is Archer Shashuko! Pleased to meet you."

"So it's true," says a dirty blonde with a pink bow in her hair. "There is an exchange student coming here from America. May I ask you a question, Archer-san?"

"Ha-hai, but first, what's your name...?"

"An American! Renge could eat three bowls of rice!" Renge starts shaking her fists up and down. "Pleased to meet you, too! My name is Hoshakugi Renge and I'm the class otaku!"

"Class... otaku?" Shashuko's eyes widen. "There's such thing?" She gasps.

"JAPAN ROCKS!!!"

The entire class cheers.

"Wow... here I was thinking you people would not be very accepting."

"What are you thinking that we Japanese are cold and distant to each other?" ask the twins.

"No! I'm sorry! It's just that, in the movies and stuff, the new girl gets picked on."

"This isn't a movie..." Haruhi sighs and sweatdrops.

"I haven't been the new girl since kindergarten, and a lot of stuff in those movies is pretty true to life, except for the parts where the status quo changes. The Alphas and the Betas will never change. Gammas are the only ones with open minds."

There is a silence while everyone stares at Shashuko.

"... So, Archer-san, why did you want to come to Japan...?" asks a girl.

Shashuko's eyes sparkle. "You see, ever since the fifth grade, I've loved--" she pauses as if embarrassed.

"A boyfriend?" Renge eyes are wide. "A long-distance relationship? MOE!!!"

"--Japan." Shashuko finished sweetly, sporting a - expression. Renge falls over.

Shashuko chuckles and turns to the girl who asked the question. "That's why."

"I see. My name's Betty Miyako!" (a/n: I don't own Betty Miyako, graveyardbetty and chibiharu-chan do!)

"Nice ta meet 'cha!"

"You too! People usually call me Graveyard Betty!"

"What for?" Shashuko asks in an evil manner.

_"You don't want to know!"_

"I see."

"Shashuko! Do you like anime?" Renge asks.

"Umm... sure! I said I love Japan, and it's kinda hard to like Japan without liking anime, after all!"

"What's your favorite?"

"Right now? Probably Naruto by default for the fact that I am still in the middle of watching it."

"Oh! Has Sasuke left for Orochimaru yet?"

"No, the Gay One had not yet left for Orocchan." Shashuko smiles.

"SASUKE ISN'T GAY!!!"

"Have you seen his shippuuden outfit? Hello, OPEN KIMONO WITH BOW ON IT!"

Classes were all the same for Shashuko that day: introductions, questions, and awkwardness. But eventually, classes ended.

Shashuko walked out of the classroom when she was ambushed.

"Shashuko-san! You're American, right? You should join the baseball club!"

"No, the football club!"

"So, you're Shashuko-san from America! Do you have a club yet?"

"In America, did you ever see any movie stars?"

"Oh! Did you meet Lindsay Lohan?"

Shashuko glared at the asker of the last question. "Have you met the manga-kas Toriyama Akira-sama and Takaya Natsuki-sama?"

"Well, no..."

"Exactly."

"Ne, ne, are you Shashu-chan? I'm Hunny!"

"Huh?" Shashuko turns around 360 looking for anyone with a voice like that. "I'm sorry, but where are you?"

"Down here!"

"Oh!" Shashuko looks down.

There is a very short blonde boy standing in front of her.

"Sorry, didn't see ya there. I'm Shashuko!"

"I'm Haninozuka Mitsukuni, but every calls me Hunny!"

"Anno... so, at your age, you're in High School? You must be super smart! How old are you? Ten? Eleven?"

"I'm turning eighteen next month!"

"SAY WHAT?!?" Shashuko turns to a tall guy about five yards away. "Is it true? He's seventeen?"

The tall boy nods. "Mitsukuni is very short."

"That's funny, Hunny-sempai, I thought you said every called you Hunny. A special case, I gather?" Shashuko asks darkly, thinking, 'Did this jerk just want everyone to call

"Yup! Takashi is my cousin! You can call him Mori!"

"Mori? Harpoon?"

"Yup! 'Cause he's taller than one is long!"

"I... see..."

"So, Shashu-chan, did Haru-chan tell you about the Host Club?"

"You mean Haruhi? Yes she- oops! _He_ did."

"It's okay, I know," Hunny whispers. "Me and Takashi are in the Host Club. And this is Bun-bun!" he pulls out a pink stuffed rabbit.

"Oh, it's so cute! Can I see it?"

"Okay, but just for a sec, ne?"

Shashuko takes the bunny and squeezes it. "SQUEEEE! Thanks, had to get that out of my system." she gives Bun-bun back to its owner. "So I'm guessing you two are the short one and the tall one."

"Yep!"

She turns to Mori. "You're taller than me."

"... I know."

"You're then only taller person I've seen all day!"

"... And?"

"I don't know. I thought you might appreciate it."

"... Why?"

"Well, I know I like being tall... so if you're even taller..."

"... Not the way it works."

"I see that now. Sorry."

"So, Shashu-chan, are you going to the Host Club?"

"How can I resist that face?" she replies. "But... I don't know..."

"C'mon, I'll protect you from Tama-chan!"

"Who's--" Shashuko was pulled along by Hunny, unable to escape his grasp. _'He's definitely stronger than he looks!'_

Mori jogs after them.

_**Location: Music Room 3**_

Hunny drags in an extremely winded and confused Shashuko.

"Hunny-sempai, what is the meaning of this?"

"Ne, ne, I got her, Kyou-chan!"

"Thank you, Hunny-sempai, now go get your costume on."

"Okay!"

There was a dark silhouette sitting at a table in front of the window.

"Archer Shashuko-san, I assume?"

"Yup, that's me. Waddaya want?"

"My name is Kyouya Ootori and I'm in class 2-A. I manage the Host Club Here at Ouran."

"Really? I think Ranka-san mentioned you once."

"Yes, he did. You are aware, of course, of Fujioka Haruhi's... situation?"

"I am."

"Haruhi is the most popular host here, next to Tamaki Suou, the Host Club King. It would be most... unfortunate if the fangirls where to find out, as they would no longer come to the Host Club or trust us in the future, so... we wish have you join as well, to keep an eye on you, as we do not know how trustworthy you are."

"WHAT? I'm not a guy! And I can't pose as one either, as people already know that I'm a girl! Why would I join the Host Club if I have no reason to?"

"Hmm..." Kyouya says, leafing through his ledger. "Archer Shashuko, Class 1-A. Foreign Exchange student staying at the residence of Fujioka Haruhi. Grades: low until confronted with an exchange opportunity, then taking a rise. Hobbies: Anime, reading, drawing, sleeping. Dream: To be taller than your own father."

"_OH_, YEAH! Girl height power! I have less than a foot to go!" Shashuko pumps her first in the air.

"Need I continue?"

"Umm, no, but why do you have all this on file?"

"It says here you like to dress up in fancy clothes."

"And?"

"Here at the Host Club, we cosplay often."

"COSPLAY?" Shashuko goes starry-eyed. "Cosplay! I'm in! But what would I do?"

"Well, you could help in the intelligence area with Hoshakugi Renge. She's in your class, isn't she?"

"Oh! Renge-san's in the Host Club too?"

"Yes, she is. Now go get dressed. Don't tell Haruhi's secret to her, she doesn't know and I don't think she can be trusted." Kyouya pushes Shashuko into a dressing room, where Renge is sitting in a chair, wearing a fancy dark red American colonial-style dress.

"Shashuko-chan! You're here! Your dress is blue." she shoves a dark blue bundle of fabric into the American otaku's arms. "There's also matching mobcaps, stocking, and shoes.

Shashuko stared at the outfit. "That... dress... you're wearing, Renge..." she starts shaking all over. "I have one just like it at home!!!" she squeals.

"Really?"

"I do! I do!" Shashuko says excitedly. "Only this one is shinier!" she spins the dress around excitedly.

_**Later...**_

The doors of the Host Club open to show the Hosts dressed in Colonial attire.

"Welcome," say the Bishies (plush Hunny, the Chibi) in unison.

Tamaki steps forward. "In honor of our newest student here at Ouran, all cosplay will be American-related! We also have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to accompany our usual commoner coffee! Without further ado, let's get started!"

Renge and Shashuko are sitting at a table in a corner. "So he's the last one... he must be the in-your-face guy," notes the American girl.

"He's the most popular Host," says Renge, "because he flirts with all of his customers. He even goes as far as to say he _loves them, _but how could he love them all?"

"I feel sorry for his fangirls," notes Shashuko as she observes Tamaki guide five girls to his table. "It must be tough having so much competition. Part of the reason I only like anime guys, I guess."

"What?!?"

"Seriously. It's safer. Besides, what does a real guy have to compete with a fantasy? I have it so bad, I have a hard time telling what makes real guy 'hot' anymore!!!" Shashuko giggles. Renge stares.

"I thought I was obsessed," is all she says in reply.

"So, Hoshakugi-san, what sort of things do we do here at the Host Club?"

"Well, I think the most important thing is we get to dress up in these cute clothes," says Renge, eyes agleam.

"Ditto on that. But what our 'official' job?"

"We think of things like what food to use and cosplay ideas."

"We get to pick the cosplay ideas?"

"Kyouya and Tamaki, as the Host Club manager and King, have the final say, but most of my ideas get through."

"Hmm. Have they dressed up as anime yet?"

"Well, we dressed them up as Fruits Basket characters, but that's about it."

"Well, how about Tokyo Mew Mew? Do you think enough of them know that one?"

"Good idea! Hunny-sempai and Mori-sempai are a lot like Pai and Taruto!"

"I was thinking of how Kisshu-like Tamaki-sempai is."

"What about the twins?"

"The only legitimately possible gay couple in the series: Shirogane Ryou and Akasaka-san."

"What about Haruhi?"

"I think Aoyama-kun fits Haruhi's personality perfectly. Crap! The fanbase hates him. And we're out of guys! Ah, well, looks like the Shadow Lord won't cosplay." Shashuko smirks.

"Or we could have Kyouya-sempai be Masaya, which doesn't matter because no one sits with him anyway, and Haruhi can wear a Cafe Mew Mew uniform."

"But that's cross-dressing!"

"It'd look cute, though! Haruhi-kun looks cute in girl's clothes!"

Shashuko sweatdrops. "She--- He does this often?"

"Only sometimes."

"Umm... if Haruhi-san has no problem with it, then, I guess that'll work..."

"What'll work?" ask the Twins Hitachiin.

"We were discussing cosplay ideas for Tokyo Mew Mew. But there's not enough guys, so Haruhi'll have to wear the Cafe uniform or something."

"How about Mew Ichigo's outfit, complete with cat ears and tail? That's look cute," offers Kaoru.

"Wait, it wouldn't stay up," realizes the other.

"We were going to use Cafe outfits, not Mew outfits, you perverts," Shashuko growls. "I suppose Ichigo's Mew outfit would work well on Haruhi, and adding the ears and tail is a cute idea, but I think the Mew outfit would be a good one. It'd show too much. Plus, I don't think hot pink is really Haruhi-san's color."

"Point there. What about Minto's Mew outfit?"

"The, the _feminine people_ are wearing the Cafe uniform. Besides, I have to have Minto."

"Why's that?"

"Because at home, some of my friends and have Mew Mew nicknames and I'm Minto. Plus I look good in blue. It brings out my eyes."

"That's an awfully stuck-up thing to say," reply the Weasley Rip-Offs (what? they are!). "Do you want a peanut butter sandwich or not?"

"PEANUT BUTTER!" Shashuko says in a yell-whisper (a whisper that has the tones of yelling. It's hard to describe). "Yes please!" she grabs five sandwiches and starts eating one. "I practically live off this stuff!"

"That's funny, I thought Americans lived on Big Macs," the twins say.

"That's nice. I'm vegetarian."

"You? Honestly, Amerikajin, you certainly don't seem the Hippie type." (amerikajin american person), note the twins Hitachiin.

"Just because I'm vegetarian doesn't set the the rest of my personality! I happen to only be a hippie when I'm in a certain---- what did you call me?"

"We called you Amerikajin, Amerikajin, because you're an Amerikajin. HEY EVERYBODY! Shashuko-san is now Amerikajin!"

"Okay!" says Tamaki.

"Okay!" say the fangirls.

"Okay!" says Renge.

"Okay!" says Hunny. Mori nods.

Kyouya smirks and takes note. "Okay."

Haruhi sighs. "You two, stop causing unnecessary trouble."

"Amerikajin... huh?" Shashuko starts trembling and looks down, clenching her teeth.

"That's exactly like Osaka from Azumanga Daioh!" Shashuko squeals. "Even the people's reaction. Except Haruhi's and mine. W00T! Cliche breaking!"

Everyone stares.

"Err, sorry." Shashuko sits back in her chair and tries to shrink into a smaller mass.

The fangirls study her face. Their eyes bore into her as she keeps attempting to shrink, which is pretty hard for someone who's really tall.

"Amerikajin's an otaku!" they all squeal at the same time, running up and surrounding her.

"Is it true that all anime in America is horribly dubbed?"

"No! The originally American animes aren't dubbed."

"They _have _non-dubbed anime in America?" one fangirl gasps.

"Sure they do! Only one of them is worth mentioning, though. It's called Avatar: The Last Airbender. Complete Naruto rip-off in some respects, but it's pretty cool. You can watch it or rent it on Netflix. Netflix? What're those?"

"Youtube's a site where people post or download videos and post them so you can watch 'em. Netflix is a video rental thingy... now that I think of it, I don't think you can get it in Japan. Ah, well."

"Why would anyone rent videos when you could just buy them?" Renge asks.

"Eh heh... me." Shashuko visibly sweatdrops.

Haruhi explains, "It's a commoner thing. Renting videos is cheaper."

"So, Shashuko, this Youtube... can you show it to us sometimes?"

"Easily. Oi! Kyouya-sempai! Can I borrow your laptop?"

"No."

"Meanie! Ah, well. I suppose it's not banned here, so we'll be okay if I just use the school computers later."

"Banned? Have you been doing something... illegal?" Tamaki questions, looking more than a little scared.

"No, it's banned at school because... well, I have no idea why it;s banned at school. But one girl got kicked out of my computers class for going on a banned site during school hours. I think it has something to do with the whole swearing-and-freedom-of-speech-and-children-shouldn't-see-this-sort-of-content-dolores-umbridge-ish-crap thing."

"Huh?" The entire Host Club, fangirls included, Kyouya not included, asked (Kyouya doesn't know or care).

"Too lazy too explain. Sorry."

"Some sort of American conflict, Amerikajin?" Tamaki's eyes gleam with tears of... overdramatic-ness, I suppose.

"Well... now that I think of it, it's probably some stupid theory of mine. Or maybe my views of the world are too narrow! I must work on that," Shashuko notes seriously, putting one finger to her lips in contemplation. "I do that a lot, think the wrong thing, assume the wrong thing, hear the wrong thing, say the wrong thing. I guess I'm just _wrong_ all around!" she furrows her brow. "I suppose I'm stereotyping. That's bad!"

"There is nothing wrong with stereo-typing! Even I do it!" Tamaki bellows in his tenor voice.

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised, especially since you're so stereotypical yourself," Shashuko says angrily.

_**The Next Day**_

Shashuko is walking to the gym for P.E., which her parents had made her take as an elective so she wouldn't get too fat, when she bumps into brown paper bag. More importantly, she also bumps into the person holding said paper bag. A plushie falls out.

The plushie is of a guy wearing a black cloak and holding a cat puppet. Shashuko holds it up and stares at it.

"It's so cute! Hmm... black cloak, a puppet, cat incorporation... is this Kankurou's Shippuuden outfit? I haven't gotten that far into the series yet."

"N-No," whispers the girl holding the bag, "Th-that's not an anime plushie. It's a voodoo doll."

"Why would you have a Kankurou voodoo doll? That's weird. I'm sorry, but it won't change the series. Kankurou might not show up at all."

"No, it's a voodoo doll of Nekozawa-sempai."

"Who's he?"

A dark chuckle erupted somewhere near Shashuko's ear.

"That, Shashuko-san, would be me."


	3. The Sewing Stutterer and the Dark Demon

_**Location: Ouran High School**_

"ACK! What th'heck!" Shashuko stares at the cloaked individual, a human replica of the doll she is holding, who is leaning over her shoulder.

"Ne-ne-Nekozawa-sempai! I finished the voodoo dolls!" stutters the girl holding the paper bag.

"Thank you, Kimiko-san. Bring them to the club later."

"Y-yes, Nekozawa-sempai, I will!"

Shashuko stares at the cat boy, who is still leaning over her shoulder. "Anno, Nekozawa-sempai?"

"What is it, Shashuko-san?"

"Personal space, please. Your leaning over me like this is kinda freaking me out." the American girl leans away from him, blushing slightly.

"Oh, sorry. Am I scaring you? I hope so." Nekozawa stops leaning on Shashuko and takes a few steps back. "You see, Shashuko-san, I run the Black Magic Club here at school. Fear is my specialty."

"That's nice," Shashuko says coldly, handing Nekozawa the doll that looks like him. "Here's you doll. What are you doing in the first year's wing?"

"Looking for Kimiko-san."

"H-here, Nekozawa-sempai. Your voodoo dolls." Kimiko hands him the bag. "One for everyone in your c-class, as you re-requested."

"You didn't have to make one of me, you know."

"B-but last time I did something for everyone in your class, I forgot you and I had to make one of you later." Kimiko looks down, a rosy shade dusting her cheeks.

Nekozawa hands her the doll, smiling. "Why don't you keep that safe for me in case I need it?"

"O-okay, Nekozawa-sempai."

Nekozawa strolls away, the cat puppet waving one of its paws at Kimiko-san, who blushes.

"See you at club," Nekozawa calls.

Shashuko looks at Kimiko questioningly.

"W-what?"

"Is he your boyfriend?" the Amerikajin giggles.

"N-no! He's... my sempai, and the leader of the club I go to. Th-that's all."

"Hmm..." Shashuko giggles. "Sorry. Only teasing... I'm Archer Shashuko, class 1-A. I transferred here from America, so a lot of people call me Amerikajin. How 'bout you?"

"Everyone knows who you are, Shashuko-san. You're the only b-blonde girl here at Ouran, you know. M-my name's Yamada Kimiko, class 1-B. I've lived in Japan all my life, and I've gone to Ouran since preschool."

"-And you sew voodoo dolls in your spare time?"

"Y-yes. I'm in the Black Magic Club."

"Really? I got suckered into working on the intelligence team for the Host Club so I could wear cosplay outfits."

"R-really? at the Black Magic Club, w-we all wear c-cloaks like Nekozawa-sempai."

"Cool! Where's yours?"

"W-well, I leave m-mine in my locker, until it's time f-for club practices. Only Nekozawa-sempai w-wears his all the time. L-light scares him. P-please don't laugh."

"I won't laugh, Kimiko-san. I think I'm scared of a lot of things compared to some people, so I really have no right to make fun of anyone who likes spending time in the dark."

"Hmm... cloaks huh? Too bad I got suckered into the Host Club. Ah well, I shouldn't complain. After all, I get to cosplay!"

"You like c-cosplay that much?"

"It's so fun! You should try it!" Shashuko says excitedly. "All me and Renge do is sit in the corner and scheme up more cosplay ideas...!"

"Really? That d-does sound kind of fun..."

"Maybe you should join too!"

"N-no, I want to stay in the B-black Magic Club..."

"_Oooh,_" said Shashuko evilly. "I understand now. Hehehehehe..." she glanced in the direction Nekozawa had left in and raised her eyebrows for emphasis.

"D-d-d-d-don't talk like that! Th-that's not h-how it is!!!"

"_Riiight._ What was your name again?"

"I'm Y-Yamada."

"Okay, Yamada-san, I'm late for class. See you later, maybe?"

"M-maybe."

"Well, then. Ja!" Shashuko skipped off to class, but stopped skipping when she realized she had math.

_**Later**_

__"Shashuko-san! Have you reconsidered our offer?" asks the president of the American Football Club (what's his name again?)

"NO. I hate sports."

"Then why are you taking P.E. when it's an elective?"

"Because my parents made me. And I still hate football. Now, if you'll excuse me, Sempai, I have a club to attend. And why are you eating orange peels?"

"They're good for you!"

"Maybe for your body but not your soul," Shashuko growls, stomping off.

"Good for your WHAT?!? Hw can food be good for your soul?"

"Sayounara, Sempai." Shashuko starts running.

"Wheee! I haven't run in the halls since I was at back at home!"

"Shashuko-san! Look out!" screamed a large group a bunch of girls walking in the opposite direction.

Shashuko runs through the girls in question and smirked. "Shashuko Archer, the Professional Crowdweaver, is back in business."

Shashuko brakes her run by slamming into the doors to Music Room Three.

"Good run. I need to do that more often."

The door opens with Shashuko still leaning on it. "Aaah!" she falls to the ground.

"I thought I heard something," says an overly-dramatic voice. "Hello, Shashuko-san. Maybe you shouldn't lean against doors after you knock."

"I wasn't _knocking on_ the door, Tamaki-sempai. I was _crashing into_ the door after running through the halls."

"Maybe you shouldn't do that either, Shashuko-san. After all, you are a member of this club too, and as the President of this club, I look after all of you as if you were my children!"

"Umm... okay... what kind of stupid American rip-off cosplay are you attempting to do today?"

"We're dressing as Uncle Sam!!!"

"WHAT?!?" the Amerikajin proceeds to laugh her head off. "That.. hahaha... is the STUPIDEST... hahaha... cosplay EVER! Thank goodness we're only doing American cosplays for a week!"

Tamaki's eyes shrink dots and he gets those blue sinky lines all over his face. "Is it... that stupid?"

"Um... well... I can see how a non-American might think of that... sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"Apology accepted! Well, Shashuko, no one else is here yet. Why don't we go sit down on one of the Host Club couches and have a chat?"

_'Is this guy bipolar?' _Shashuko thinks, saying"I don't trust you in the same room as **any** girl, _even me_. How about we sit down on the floor?" she proceeds to sit on the floor without waiting for an answer.

"Umm... if that's what you are used to, I guess..." Tamaki follows her. "Ah! So dirty!"

"If it makes you feel better, you can stand up. I sit on the floor all the time."

"Is this a special commoner thing?!?" Tamaki's eyes get big.

"Anno... nope! Just a me thing. I'm not a normal commoner," Shashuko grins. "I used to wear cat ears to school, you know."

"But you regained your senses?"

Shashuko glares. "_No,_ the were too small, so they started giving me headaches. That's what I get for ordering cat ears online off Birthday Express... I never had any sense to begin with, so how could I regain any?"

"That makes sense," Tamaki says.

"So... you like 'commoner' stuff, huh?"

"Yes! Very much! Their culture is so... so _different_ from mine!"

"That's probably why I like Japan. It's so cool here!!! In America, we don't have much stuff like this. Well, if you like commoner stuff so much, maybe I'll teach you some American commoner games." Shashuko's eyes gleam with and evil light from a world unknown. "Like... Truth or Dare."

"That sounds like fun, Shashu-chan! How do you play?!?"

"Hunny-sempai! Mori-sempai! When did you get here?"

"Just now! Ne, ne, How do you play?"

"Oh, don't tell me you all like 'commoner stuff' like _this _guy?" Shashuko says off-handedly, pointing at Tamaki.

"Yep, pretty much!!!" say the approaching twins, who are dragging Haruhi along.

"Truth or Dare? I've played that game a couple times before... that seems the sort of thing perfect for Hikaru and Kaoru," says Haruhi.

"We'll learn!" say the Weasley Rip-offs.

"What kind of game is this 'Truth or Dare'?" Tamaki asks.

"Well, Tamaki-sempai, since you asked, I'll have to explain it in a way that you'll understand." Shashuko stands up.

"Truth or Dare is the ultimate game of silliness and secrets!!!" she says dramatically, sounding suspiciously like her blonde sempai. "The person who's turn it is picks someone and asks them a question-- Tamaki! Truth or dare?"

"What do I pick?"

"Just pick one!"

"Umm... truth!"

"You chose TRUTH! I will ask you a question, and you must answer honestly... hmmm... is it true you're still attached to your teddy bear?"

"Y-yes... HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?!?"

"Graveyard Betty told me!"

"The British girl?"

"Yep! Apparently, she doesn't like you much. Now! Since I asked you, it's your turn to pick someone!"

"Hmm... troublesome twins! Truth or dare!"

"Dare, of course."

"Shashuko-san, what do I do now?"

"You must dare them to do something embarrassing or just plain silly."

"Hmm... Hikaru! Kaoru! I dare you both to... I have no ideas. Shashuko-saaan, what's a good dare?"

"Hmm... I dare you two to... no, that's too mean..."

"Hit us with it," challenge the twins.

"Oh, fine then. For today's cosplay, you must wear mine and Renge-san's dresses!"

"No they will not! I want to wear my dress!!!" yells Renge, running up with Kyouya walking not far behind.

"Also, considering the size of the twins' shoulders compared to your own, the dresses would rip. How would you like to owe me a debt, Shashuko-san?" Kyouya asks cheerfully.

"Okay then... that's off. Hmm... I can't think of any more good ones that wouldn't have someone else yelling at me... I'll have to think of a stupid one. Do you people know the Chicken Dance?"

"The what?"

Shashuko rolls her eyes. "Cheep cheep cheep, flap flap flap, wiggle wiggle wiggle, clap clap clap?"

"Show us."

"No. Hmm... okay, Tamaki, you asked them. Think of a good one!"

"I have... no ideas!"

Shashuko sighs and begins to speak in a babyish voice. "I would've thought a smart guy like you would be imaginative enough to think of a good dare for those two," she says cutely.

"You have a point there... I CAN THINK OF ONE MYSELF!!!"

"What was that?" the twins whisper the Shashuko.

"I finally remembered that stupid boys work best when girls are disappointed."

"How?" asks Renge.

"To make a long story short, my little sister is sometimes possessed by a really annoying dead guy who can't leave me alone. I might as well use that sort of thing to my advantage."

"What? Possessed?"

"No, not really. We mad him up. For awhile, he didn't possess my sister, but I killed him with a Kamehameha and now he does."

"I see. We'll remember that," say the twins.

"You two... I don't think it's work. I don't think Tamaki's gay."

"So? Trying to use that tactic will be fun."

"Well then, let's go get dressed," says Kyouya. "The customers are coming in five minutes."

"Let's go, Renge-chan! We need to work on our Master Plan!"

"Good idea!"

Both girls run to their dressing room.

"Master Plan?" the twins ask themselves.

"WAIT!" yells Tamaki, after everyone else, who is already in the Club Room. "I haven't thought of a dare for the twins yet!"

**Later**

"I can't believe I'm wearing this _thing_," Shashuko says, twirling around a hat with an American Flag design on it. "I mean, who in their right mind would wear a female Uncle Sam costume?!?"

"I kinda like it," says Renge, looking down at the red-and-white-striped skirt and blue jacket.

"It's not that it's particularly ugly... it's just that it's not something I would chose to wear!"

A door mysteriously appears in the wall.

"Ku ku ku ku... here at the Black Magic Club, we have are having special sale on voodoo dolls..."

"Oh, it's Nekozawa-sempai! Do you mean the ones Yamada-san made?"

"Yes, Kimiko made most of them... why do you ask?"

"Pure curiousity!"

"Where they come from, don't they say curiousity killed a cat?" The twins point out, holding up giant flashlights. "GET LOST!"

"AAAH! The light! It burns!" Nekozawa slammed the door shut. Not that there was much to slam, as it had been only been opened a crack. "HELP! ASPIRIN!!!"

"Y-yes N-Nekozawa-sempai, here! And I have a glass of water!"

"Thank you, Kimiko. You have saved me yet again."

Shashuko giggles to herself.

"What's so funny? And who's this Yamada-san you were talking about?" Renge asks.

"She's in our year. Didn't you know that?"

"No. Do you expect me to know everyone in our year?I don't have that sort of brains!"

"Well, then. Tamaki has more customers than there are in our year. Does he have better brain than you?"

"No! I'll always be smarter than that faker!"

"Hmm, I wonder... anyway, she's in Class 1-B and she's really nice. Her voodoo dolls are really cute too... she made one for Nekozawa's entire class for some project, you know."

"Did you say... they entire class..." asks Tamaki, shaking all over.

Nekozawa smiles darkly. "Yes, the entire class. Therefore, there's one of you, too."

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Tamaki runs to a corner of the room, shivering like a just-shorn sheep.

"Is Tamaki in your class, Nekozawa-sempai?" Haruhi asks politely.

"Yes, he is." the cat-boy chuckles.

"I feel your pain," Haruhi says decidedly. "He's annoying enough as is, and I only see him after school."

"He's not that annoying," says Shashuko. "His over-reacting and over-assuming is hilarious. He's like Aaya from Fruits Basket!"

"He is he is!"

"Well, I guess what my mom said is true--- people like Ayame are only funny if it's not you they're annoying. If I was Yuki, I'd probably hate the guy!"

"Haruhi-kun is like Yuki," noted one of the fangirls. "He even looks a lot like a guy!"

"Well, that is true. Now that I think of it, Haruhi is a lot like Yuki."

"Maybe we should make them do a Fruits Basket Cosplay sometime!"

"Excellent idea... I think I'm going to need a camera if we keep cosplaying. Then I can show all my friends when I go home for Christmas!"

"You're leaving at Christmas?"

"Don't worry, I'll come back. Hey! Maybe I'll have a slideshow party! With all the pictures I take! Then the camera will have to be digital, though... ah well. I did save some souvenir money... watch out! I'm gonna buy one and takes lotsa pics!"

"We do need better photographers," Kyouya notes. "We may just have to buy you the camera ourselves. But if we don't make enough profits off your photos to cover the cost, you will have to pay back the money yourself."

_'Eek! A debt from Kyouya? That's one thing my greedy soul doesn't desire.' _Shashuko thinks to herself. _'Ah, well. They buy those crappy, fuzzy photos already, so I'll take extra good ones!' And-- free camera! I can't afford to pass this one up.' _

"Okay, Kyouya-sempai, it's a deal. I'll do it!"


	4. Pen Pal of Doom

"Wow, Kyouya-sempai, this is the COOLEST CAMERA _EVAH!!! _I LOVE THE COLOR YELLOW!"

"It said so in your applications. Now start taking pictures," is all the Shadow King says.

"Anno... of the Hosts, right?"

"That is what the camera is for," Kyouya says, a little irritated.

"Then CHEESE!" there is a flash of bright light.

Shashuko shows Kyouya a picture if himself blinking in surprise. His response is to smooth his hair.

"You've created a monster, Shadow Lord," says the Amerikajin evilly. Then, her cell phone rings (sounding suspiciously like the 'Everbody Was Kung Fu Fighting' song).

"Koshou-chan! Long time, no talky!" There was pause. "Hey, what town do you live in again?" Another pause, then Shashuko's eyes widen. "What school do you go to?" After this pause, she smirks evilly. "Are you at school right now?" Pause. "Where are you? What room?" ... Pause. "Do me a favor? Stay there for a bit."

"Sorry Kyouya-sempai, I have to leave. Be back in a sec!" Shashuko bolts for the door. Approximately fifteen seconds later, loud screming is heard.

"That sounded like Ara-chan," says Hunny thoughtfully. "She was in the karate club."

"You mean Arakawa-san who was your junior officer?" Kyouya asks, leafing through his ledger.

"Yep! That's her!"

Shashuko runs in, dragging a brown-haired, glasses-wearing girl with a pair of cow ears on her head. "Haruhi! Haruhi! This is my pen pal! Arakawa Koshou is her name!"

"What are you doing here na no da?" Koshou squeals.

"FOREIGN EXCHANGE!"

"No way! _You?"_

"I wanted to go to Japan, so I entered an application and studied really really hard!"

_"You?"_ Koshou repeats.

Shashuko chuckles. "Yep, me. I think I aged three years in one. I'm never taking a break from procrastination ever agin."

"But why are you with the Host Club?" Koshou asks, confused.

"I'm on the intelligence! I help Renge-chan here come up with cosplay ideas."

"Have you though of dressing them as Avatar characters?" Koshou says thoughfully.

"Koshou-chan, I don't think anyone besides you or me would get it."

"Good point... well, this Karate captian is late. Bye!"

"You're captain now, Ara-chan?" Hunny asks in surprise.

"Of course I am na no da! Since you quit and all."

"Well, you were my second in command, ne?"

"I was! And now I'm first! And it rocks!"

"Koshou-chan, why haven'r I seen you before? You'd think I'd a pair of cow ears... am I really that oblivious?"

"I was sick. Just got back now for Karate club, which I have to back to now, so I'll email you later, okay?"

"Okays! Bye bye! Ja ne! Sayounara!" Shashuko waves as Koshou leaves.

"Bye bye na no da!"

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

"Would you stop that? It's getting on our nerves," the twins groan.

"Okays. SAY CHEESE!"

FLASH

"Shashuko, you're not going to get any good pictures that way," Kyouya grumbles. "We won't get any profits."

"Sorry sempai! I'll be a good girl from now on!" Shashuko says, holding a plate in front of her face.

"Is that a Tobi impression?" Renge says. "Tobi's vice isn't like that, it's--"

"I know, I know. It's not as girly as mine. OOC can be funny too, ya know."

"True, true. Don't you just love Kisame's image amoung the fanbase?"

"I know! He's all hyper!" Shashuko squeals. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta take pictures! Lots and losta pictures!"

She spends the rest of the day photographing the Hosts. She has a fun time sneaking around the club room and hiding behind potted plants (which is completely unneccessary, but entetaining) and humming the song 'Bumble Bee' (doopi doopi doo da da, doopi doopi do da da!).

Tamaki is, not urprisingly, very easy to photograph. It was like he doesn't know there's a camera at all!

This is because he was too wrapped up in flirting with all the girls to notice. Kyouya had known this would be true and so, he hadn't told Tamaki that Shashuko would be given a camera from the start.

Haruhi always knew where the camera was. Sometimes, she followed it with her eyes, looking very mildly interested. Whenever Shashuko took a picture of Haruhi, she looked up with that cute surprised look of hers. This annoys Shashuko becuase she, in her mind, is supposed to be sneaky, but later, Kyouya says it looked okay (Tamaki said it was SO CUTE and kept trying to steal the camera).

Hunny, Mori, and Kyouya act as if the camera isn't there at all (although Hunny waves every once in awhile).

In fact, the hardest Hosts to snap pics of are Hikaru and Kaoru. This is largely because whenever Shashuko tries to capture them, they flip off the Camera.

"If you must flip people off, do it when I'm not photographing you, okay? You're not making this very easy for me." Shashuko tries to ask nicely, but it comes out as a threat.

The twins flip her off.

"ARGGH!" She shouts. Then, she takes a picture of herself with her angry expression and looks at it. Her expression changes in an instant to that of a little child with a new toy. She starts giggling.

"I look hilarious!!!" she hoots. "What a creepy expression! Woohoot! Hahaha."

"Can we see?" ask the twins, who stand up and loop around to peer at the camera screen.

They stare for a minute, then start laughing as well. "Ha ha ha ha! This is the scariest thing we've ever seen!"

"Thank you," Shashuko laughs sincerely, "I'm gonna keep this one to show my friends back home... I must!" Then, she cracks up and can't stop laughing for twenty minutes striaght.

"What are you laughing at, Shashuko-san?" Haruhi asks.

"I don't remember anymore!" Shashuko replies, laughing even harder. "Nww I can't stop... asking why I'm laughing doesn't help!"

"I'll remember that," Haruhi says, sweatdropping. "Could you try to stop? I think you're annoying people," she adds flatly.

"Sorry... haha... this has happened before, too..." Shashuko leaves the club room, still laughing like heck.

She runs to the bathroom, puts her head under the faucet, and turns it on. Cold water, full blast.

"Hahaha... that tickles! Hahaha!" she hits herself in the head, then laughs some more.

"Shashuko-s-san! What are you doing here?" stutters Yamade Kimiko, stepping out fo a stall.

"Club activities. But I think I've gotten some sort of laughing seizure... ha! laughing seizure! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Kimiko shrugs and starts washing her hands. "Well... t-try thinking of something that m-makes you s-sad. Maybe th-that'll h-help."

Shashuko turns off her faucet and takes her head out from under it. "Hmmm... something _sad..._ SasuSaku! HAHAHAHAHA! That's the _saddest _thing there is!"

"Not s-sad as in pathetic! S-sad as in..."

"Bridge to Terabithia! The only movie I ever cried during! And that was only once! I'm a heartless biotch! Hahaha!"

"Something that makes you s-sad but doesn't make you l-laugh?' Kimiko stutters helpfully.

"Oh! Okay hahaha!" Shashuko takes out her cell phone and shakingly dials a number.

"Kuro-chan? What makes me sad? Hahaha I can't stop laughing! Does Kitty agree?" (don't ask).

"Yay! Kitty agrees!" (again, don't ask) Shashuko laughs a minute later. "But seriously, Kuro-chan, what makes me sad?"

There is a pause and Shashuko trembles.

"Waaah! Why Haku why? Zabuza was a jerk anyway! Why die for him? Whyyyy?!?" she screams.

"A-archer-san? W-what's wrong?" Kimiko asks.

"Eheh. Sorry Yamada! My favorite anime character dies... heh heh. I get carried away easily in cases like this. I remember there was this one sad scene in Book 6 of Tokyo Mew Mew, and I was upset for half an hour! Poor Kisshu..."

"I remember that na no da," says Koshou, walking in. "It took Beatles music to cheer you up."

"The power of Beatles... Koshou-chan! Hi! Do you know Yamada-san?"

Koshou nods. "She's in my Home Ec class, Shashuko."

"Oh." Shashuko sweatdrops. "Shows what I know! What's your homeroom?"

"1-A."

"OMG me too! We're in the same class!" Shashuko squeals.

"Yays na no da! I gotta go now... see you in class!"

"Ja ne!" Shashuko giggles.

"Byes na no da!"

Shashuko watches as her pen pal leaves, then turns to Kimiko.

"So, Yamada-san... how are things with our favorite neko?"

Kimiko blushes and stutters: "N-no! It's nothing l-like that, I t-t-told you!"

"I know that! You've told me a million times before! BUT, do you wish it was something like that?" Shashuko raises her eyebrows and gives a sly half-smile.

"W-what? Whatever makes you think th-that?" Kimiko's face begin to go from hot pink to bright red.

"Because, whenever I mention him, you blush and stutter more than is usual. Also, you blush whenever he talks to you. And, you treat him with such respect..."

Kimiko's face turns from bright red to crimson. "R-respect is neccessary b-because he's m-my..."

"Your sempai, I know." Shashuko rolls her eyes. "But still, you wish he wasn't just a sempai to you, do ya?"

"W-what do m-my w-wishes matter?" Kimiko's face is the color or deoxygenated blood (if you've never seen that, it's pretty dang close to black).

"Duhhhhh... yeah! Everyone matters! _We are all God's children. _Oops. That probably doesn't help unless you're me in disguise. But then who would I be? Anyway, maybe you should just try to be his friend. Things will work out in the end, I'm sure! If I ever have another chance to speak with Nekozawa-sempai alone, I'll plant a seed."

"A w-what? A seed?"

"It means I'll put in a good word for you," Shashuko explains. "Kay?"

"O-okay." Kimiko replies. "Th-that'd be good."

"I'll have to try my hardest to be subtle though..." Shashuko notes. "I'm not very good at subtle. I promise that no matter what I say, I won't tell him you like 'im!"

"U-um... are you sure this is a g-good idea?"

"I'm sure! Friends?"

"O-okay. Friends."

"Yay! My first out-of-class-or-club friend! You can call me Shashuko, by the way. I don't like the way 'Archer-san' sounds."

"S-sure... well, the others m-might b-b-be worried about me... I'd better g-go..."

"Bye bye! May I call you Kimiko-chan? Or Kimi? Kimi sounds cuter!"

"W-wha-? Well, if y-you like that better, I s-suppose you can call me that..."

"Thankee! I gotta go too now, since I've stopped laughing! Bye Bye, Kimi-chan! Sayounara! Ja ne! Laters!"

"L-later," Kimiko sweatdrops, thinking, _'Archer-san... um, Shashuko-san, is very... eccentric. I hope no trouble comes of this...'_

Shashuko walks back into the club room all smiles. "I'm back! Stopped laughing! Didja miss me?"

"No," unisize the twins.

"I'm not surprised. After all, that's an 'asking-for-it' question!"

"An 'asking-for-it' question?" Haruhi asks, sweatdropping.

"Yeah, like if I said, 'Do I look stupid to you?' or 'Do I _look_ like a boy?' then most people would say yes. Also, if you say no, the other person might think you have a crush on them. I've learned long ago that an 'asking-for-it' question is not a fun thing to ask unless you like being insulted as much as I do."

The twins grin evilly. "Amerikajin, you're soooo stupid!"

Shashuko turns around and gives them a smile. "Thank you. I know!"


End file.
